Often, after watching Star Wars for the umpteenth time, which happen to be the greatest movies ever made, I think of our world as a dull and boring place. We don’t have intergalactic federations, superpowers or giant monsters and I think that’s a major downer. But now and then you read headlines that reach into the realms of the amazing shit. Things that are so wickedly awesome it’s almost unbelievable. Like the jellyfish near the coast of Japan. Not just any kind of jellyfish, no… MEGA-fucking-jellyfish! And you know, when newspapers start using superlatives it has gotta be fucking cool.

Godzilla just wasn't enough for them...

Godzilla alone just wasn't enough for them...

Oh, when you stumble on the next one in the dark you are guaranteed to shit yourself! Meet the Bathynomus Giganteus. You’d think crabs suck, wait till you got this fucker nibbeling on your ballsack. I promise you, you will never fornicate again. Luckily you won’t find these monsters on land. They are also deep sea creatures.

Yes, definitely alien...

Ugly motherfucker...

The last one in the list is one of mythical standards. Remember captain Nemo? The Architeuthis or better know as the giant motherfucking squid. Capable of reaching sizes till 13 meters. And if you think that’s big, he’s got a cousin called the Colossal Squid. Yes, indeed another step on the superlative ladder. Not only a bit bigger, because his size just wasn’t enough to frighten the shit out of us, he’s also added something extra to his offense capacity, large hooks in his suction cups. So you’ll know for certain you are a goner when this fucker slaps his tentacle around your body.

Architeu... Big Fucking Squid

Architeu... Big Fucking Squid

Well, you’d think I can’t top the last one? Think again and be afraid. Be very fucking afraid:

Wikipedia excerpt from Bloop article
The sound, traced to somewhere around [show location on an interactive map] 50° S 100° W (South American southwest coast), was detected repeatedly by the Equatorial Pacific Ocean autonomous hydrophone array, which uses U.S. Navy equipment originally designed to detect Soviet submarines. According to the NOAA description, it “rises rapidly in frequency over about one minute and was of sufficient amplitude to be heard on multiple sensors, at a range of over 5,000 km.” According to scientists who have studied the phenomenon it matches the audio profile of a living creature but there is no known animal that could have produced the sound. If the sound did come from an animal, it would reportedly have to be several times the size of the largest known animal on Earth, the Blue Whale.[1]

Yes, we do have super sea creatures!!

Architeuthis (and his cousin)
Bathynomus Giganteus

About the Author

Long haired, tattooed and with an attraction to everything not so ordinary. Loves the world, not so all of its inhabitants. Open minded, floaty, down to earth and a bit of everything else... Likes to spend time reading, traveling, sports, boozing, gaming, watching movies and more. Yep, that sums it up quite right!